Touche Touchel

Thursday 5 January 21This would have been yet another confrontation of the master who never taught his pupil very well all because he is just as selfish, not meaning Frank was but if l was his teacher my advice would have been what l have already given.Anyhow tonight l think Tuchel will be relishing this his first taste of an away match and a London derby, but he’ll miss the crowd element more than he would have experienced at his new home, although crowds today are nothing like a few years back when players karated them if they got too personal, it took a Frenchman, as it did in a World Cup only this time is was a head-butt on an opposing player and no VAR would have saved Zidane, arguably the world’s best player around those times.

There won’t be no such fun tonight in the modern game where pulling a shirt is as vulgar as it gets and they call it: “Taking one for the team”. There is only One for the Team and that’s my friend’s horse and by the way, that kind of foul is so petty it should be sending-off. It is not taking one for the team at all, it is a sign of the player making the foul not being good enough to do something different, can you imagine that every time we got attacked a player took “One for the team,” the game might as well be playing in wrestling ring. Petty!I got chinned twice as a Chelsea player and found it quite amusing as both my opponents also found it funny though they didn’t laugh until after the match, l can only surmise?The first time was in a humiliating 6-2 defeat at Everton just a few days before my Easter Monday to tragedy at West Bromwich which was more costly than an elbow in the back from Johnny Morrissey, their left winger, who years later l was told “It could have been worse, it could have been one of his sister’s,” the family being of great notoriety around Merseyside?We had just finished a rare attack on their goal at Goodison Park and as l was coming back into my own half found myself lying on the track next to the pitch.I looked up to see a tiny Number 11 looking over his shoulder to see the damage, but the most damage was done by Alan Ball who really hurt us and that’s what we always say or the saying comes from “There’s only one way to hurt them,” and it’s not through thuggery, for l would rather get a smash in the face anytime than having the runaround by England’s World Cup winner – not Morrissey but my friend Alan Ball.The other time was funnily enough another Number 11, which is a number l really dislike, as it’s a bus that stops almost outside my door and l seem to have problems with the driver, luckily it’s not like years ago when we had bus conductor’s which l will never know why because they never conducted anything.Our Chelsea ’70 team were really on song playing some great stuff on this day and tearing Sheffield Wednesday apart when a ball – not A Ball – dropped between former Manchester City left winger Tony Coleman, who, like taking one for the team, really didn’t need to do such things as he was a very talented player but I hear later that like the Morrisey family the Coleman’s were pretty hot – if you’ll excuse the pun. We were both grounded in the mud and as l looked around at him he threw a left fist at me which luckily l saw it coming and ended up laughing again, as you can’t beat a good laugh at such childish behaviour, l mean give me Bremner and Giles anytime as they keep you on your toes, if not you were in trouble.So it seems Number 11s are not my lucky numbers, bus drivers and those that stand out there as if waiting for one, although that doesn’t include Geoff Salmons at Stoke City, Liam Brady at Arsenal and both Nobby Houseman and Peter Rhodes-Brown at Chelsea.Until tonight at 6pm and I really cannot wait, but I’ll have to if I go out and have to wait for another Number11, that’s where the argument comes in. The new regulations on buses are like VAR in our part of town as for those of you that don’t have VAR on your bus route, you wait 15 minutes for a Number 11 and when you get on late for your appointment a lady comes over the speaker and says, “The driver has to been instructed to wait here for a while to let the traffic level out,” now how do you work that one out, as you’ve been waiting a quarter-of-an-hour and no other buses have passed through. It’s like VAR, “Stop the game and wait here for ten minutes while we at Stockley Park have a good look and then we will tell the referee to look at the monitor,” again you really cannot get any more backwards, and I was no good at school. Being disabled I have to go through the pain of walking too far and that pain goes into my back all because of this new VAR fiasco, no not on the field but On the Buses with Reg Varney – now I would fall out with him, I’d laugh until I get to my destination.